Friday, December 9, 2011
I am one person but several selves. This was something that was hard for me to accept for many years. I am the gentle self that loves peace and wants everyone around me to live happy lives. I am also the self that has fought martial arts for many years and has never backed down from a fight. I am in one undivided person a peaceful man who is punching someone else in the face. Now the truth is now that I am more peace with myself I find myself less likely to punch someone but when threatened that self still comes out. This is something that can torture someone who is introverted. Unrelenting study of oneself is a dangerous thing. We start dissecting these selves. We find the ways that they conflict and try to rectify them. Kochan does the same thing. He takes the person he wants to be and pushes that self forward. But his unrelenting examination of his other selves is what drives them apart we see a greater divergence in his personality and he eventually has a great split between his "self" and his "mask" I think that both of these characters are equally the same person but the stress that Koch an puts on them puts them at odds with one another and I feel worsens His mental state.so my question is what if he had just accepted all parts of himself? What would happen then?
I found it funny that in the first few discussions about this class we avoided the topic of the sadomasochistic element of "Confessions of a Mask". this I found interesting because I did not know how to approach it myself. So I avoided it. Kochan is obviously not a right boy. At the beginning he is more relatable but as he becomes more and more involved in his twisted fantasies he becomes less familiar to the reader. His fantasies about the violence are scary to me but the fact that he does not act on these and go all "Dexter" on everyone is comforting to me. At least he realizes that although these may be his desires he cannot do them because these desires are wrong. That is why the hiding is partially comforting to me. A say partially because the other side of me is scared because if there where people whose desires where to disembowel for sexual pleasure I would love for them to be open with this so that they might find proper psychiatric help. At this point they pose a threat to society and themselves. But, Kochan is both a comforting and discomforting character in more ways than this. The fact that he rejects himself on a daily bases is comforting when you know what goes on in his head but discomforting when you know what this does to him.